True Friendship In A Lonely World // 1 Samuel 20

In a world filled with people yet marked by loneliness, what does true friendship actually look like? In this sermon from 1 Samuel 18 and 20, Pastor Josh Thompson explores the deep bond between David and Jonathan and what it teaches us about loyalty, sacrifice, and love. This message highlights God’s design for relationships and points to Jesus as the perfect friend who lays down His life for us.

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Transcript

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We're going to be in 1 Samuel chapter 20 today. We'll actually read 1 Samuel 18 in our Bibles, five verses. Then we're going to jump into 1 Samuel 20 and we're going to work through a text today. Title of the Message Today, if you're taking notes, is True Friendship in a Lonely World. Two friends were out camping one week. It was a nice evening. They were barbecuing some meat, enjoying the fire, telling a story, and lo and behold, a grizzly bear shows up. The one friend freaks out and says, Dude, look, a grizzly bear, what do we do? And the other friend said, I don't know about you, but I'm getting out of here. And he quickly started putting on his tennis shoes. His buddy says, What are you doing? Are you crazy? How are we going to outrun a grizzly bear? And the friend quickly responded, Well, you see, I don't have to outrun that grizzly bear. I just have to outrun you. Friendship, right? You know, John Steinbeck said, a sad soul can kill you quicker, far quicker than a germ. I think that's interesting. Friendship is so crucial and important. Relationship is so crucial and important to the human being. Relationship, I think, is the center of the universe. Relationship with God, relationship with our spouse, relationship with our kids, relationship with our friends, relationship with even our extended family, our coworkers, our neighbors. And all of the Bible, all of the commands are centered around relationship. Love the Lord your God with all of your hearts. That's relationship. And then the way that you show that you love God with all your heart is by loving your neighbor as yourself. Loving each other, taking care of each other, serving each other. And the world is pursuing the opposite of that, right? God is calling people back to this very simple thing of relationship. And so I want to talk about true friendship today, because look, there's 40 million people in LA City, 10 million in the county. There's a lot of people here in LA, a lot of people that call LA their home. But how can we have so many people but then feel so disconnected sometime in relationship and friendship with our neighbors, with the people we know, the people that we see? Stress can stop the body from healing. Did you know that? A book called The Good Life says you don't have to examine scientific findings to recognize that relationships affect you physically. All you have to do is notice the invigoration you feel when you believe someone has really understood you during a good conversation, or notice the tension and distress after an argument that happens, or the lack of sleep during a period of romantic strife. When you're lonely, it hurts. And we don't mean that metaphorically, it's a physical effect on the body. Loneliness is associated with being more sensitive to pain, suppression of the immune system, diminished brain function, and less effective sleep, making an already lonely person even more tired and irritable. Recent research has shown that for older people, loneliness is twice as unhealthy as obesity. Chronic loneliness increases a person's odds of death in any given year by 26%. Not interesting. Our basic needs are simple, not complicated. We need love, connection, and a feeling of belonging. And try this calculation with your own cherished relationships. Just consider these round numbers if you're 40 years old and you see this person once a week for a coffee hour. So once a week you meet with them for coffee for an hour. That's about 87 days before you turn 80 with them. Just 87 days. If you see them once a month, that's about 20 days until you're 80. That's 40 years. You only see them in 20 days of your life. Once a year is about two days. Maybe these numbers sound plenty, but contrast them with the fact that in 2018 the average American spent an astonishing 11 hours a day interacting with media, from television to radio to smartphones. From the age of 40 to the age 80, that adds up to about 18 years of waking life. For someone who is 18, that's 28 years of their life on media before they're 80. Most of us have friends and relatives who energize us and who we don't see enough. The question is, are you spending time with the people you most care about? Is there a relationship in your life that would benefit both of you if you could spend a little more time together? These untapped resources are often already in our life and they're just waiting to be explored. A few adjustments in our most treasured relationships can affect, have real effects on how we live and how we feel about our lives. We might be sitting on a gold mine of vitality that we are not paying attention to because this source of vitality is eclipsed by the shiny allurement of smartphones and TV or the push, uh the pushing of the side of these relationships because of other demands in our lives. We've been saying that human beings are shoulder creatures, but in essence, that simply means that each of us as individuals cannot provide everything we need for ourselves. We can't confide in ourselves. We can't romance ourselves, we can't mentor ourselves, we can't help ourselves move a sofa. Some of you guys are like, watch me. Settle down, brother. But we need other interactions, don't we? We need people to help us. We we flourish when we provide that same connection and support to others. When someone provides that for you, you feel that and you're thankful for it. And when you provide that for someone else, it causes you to flourish. We need this so desperately. This process of giving and receiving is the foundation of a meaningful life. And as we move away from God's design for relationships, we see more and more problems with society. There is an epidemic of loneliness. Social media has not made us more social, it has made us less social and more dysfunctional as people. We've forgotten how to talk to each other. Millennials prefer texting more than talking. Three out of five Americans say they're lonely. Is that wild or what? Three out of five people say they're lonely. Experts know that loneliness causes stress and anxiety and depression, even illness. One or two friendships can dramatically decrease loneliness. You probably already have them. They're near you. Our phones are the way we interact with the world. The phone has become our friend. We all need living, breathing friends, human interaction. God created you this way. You're not meant to do life alone. Imagine if everyone behaved in real life the way we do online. You you can't, and we we need real life interaction. You watch the way people talk to each other on the internet and social media. Sometimes you're like, you do that in public, like that's not gonna go well, you know? That's right. Shutting everything down in 2020 was a disaster. None of it was necessary. It destroyed the social fabric of our society. Everyone's scared of each other and doesn't trust each other anymore. It's an interesting thing. If you watch yourself, we watch the way we handle each other. We're all so nervous to open the door and let people in. We're not as open as we used to be. Everyone's scared of each other and doesn't trust each other. But the church, we must rebuild this. It starts here. We have the God who made community. We have the God who showed us what it is to love and have a deep relationship, and we get to pour that on other people. And I hope that when they come in contact with you, they're like, this guy, this girl, they are just so different. They're real, real person. No avatar. There you are, the real thing. I've been hearing as of recent that people prefer um typos and text messaging over perfect text messages. And we know why, of course. So we're wondering if they used AI to make the text message. Is that a real person? Is that a bot talking to me? I want typos. So now we type into AI. Write this message back with typos. Listen, we can use all the technology. There's great advantages to it, but I'm telling you, people want the real thing. They all they want all the flaws, they want all the things, they want the realness, and they like that more than anything. They like you more than anything. They like the real you more than anything. They like authenticity and genuineness. That's the people that we love the most. We're also scared to show the real us, so Charles Haddon Spurgeon said, Friendship is one of the sweetest joys of life. Many might have failed beneath the bitterness of their trial had they not found a friend. We're gonna read 1 Samuel chapter 18. Look at one of the greatest friendships in the Bible, the friendship of Jonathan and David. We'll read five verses and then we're gonna scrape through chapter 20. Can we stand for the reading of God's word? We always stand for the reading of God's word to pay honor to him, remember whose word of reading. Not my words. This is God's story, this is his word, and I'm just trying to tell you what it says. And uh I'm hoping to teach you in such a way that you might be able to read it for yourself and see what it says. Anytime you want, you can open it. Whether you're here at legacy for 10 years or you're off at another church, you can always open it for yourself and see what it says. It's sitting right there. So we look at it closely, so we examine it together. I want you to extract from the text yourself to see what God might be saying. First Samuel chapter 18. Let's take a look at the story starting in verse 1. It says, Now it happened when he had finished speaking to Saul that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day and did not let him return to his father's house. And Jonathan cut a covenant with David because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of his robe and was on him, and he gave it to David with his armor, and even his sword, and his bow, and his belt. He gave him everything. And so David went out wherever Saul sent him and prospered, and Saul set over the men, set him over the men of war, and it was pleasing in the eyes of all the people, and also in the eyes of Saul's servants. Let's pray. Father, we thank you for this story, this picture of Jonathan and David, and even from the very first moments. Jonathan, such a giving friend, gave David everything, and would assume the position of servant, Lord, though he was the one to be king. He would lower himself and bless his friend David. What a beautiful picture of you, Jesus. We pray, God, that you would reveal what true friendship looks like in this lonely world, and we would find it. We would cherish it. We would flourish in it. We would find vitality. We'd live long, prosperous, God-glorifying lives. Joyful, deep joy, security in the friendships around us and in the God who made us. Bless us, Lord, as we study this text. We ask it in Jesus' name. Amen. You can be seated. I'm going to rapid fire through this story, so follow along with me. Strap on your seatbelts. Five-point harness, please. We're going to fly through this text so that you can get a bunch of it, okay? So after David killed Goliath and he brought his head to King Saul, yes, David did that. The giant head of Goliath, he brought it to King Saul. Jonathan met David and made a covenant with him. The king's son, Jonathan, was like, who's this giant slayer? This guy's amazing. And he loves God like I do. He was like a youth pastor or something. He was like this young guy who came along and brought this other young guy alongside with him. He said, I want to be like that guy when I grow up, the giant slayer. Jonathan was in awe of David. The giant slayer who loves God, the shepherd who fights off lions and bears. I want to know this guy. I want to follow him. Jonathan loved him with all of his heart. He just wanted to be like David. And Jonathan displayed this in giving David his robe and his armor. This is the king's boy. This is the prince. This is a billionaire prince. He walks up to David, he says, Yo, you take my jacket. You take my robe. You take my armor. You take my sword. You take all my gift. Here, look at it's all in my room. You can have it. You're the real one. I'm just son of the king. Saul, his dad hated this. Messing up his legacy. David in return made a covenant promising to take care of Jonathan's family forever, no matter what. They were brothers. They became close friends, even though King Saul didn't like it. They were running together into war and into life. These two guys. They became very close friends. Everyone needs a friend, huh? We were designed this way. Genesis chapter 2, verse 18. Then Yahweh God said in the beginning, when he made man, it is not good that the man should be alone. Not good. I will make a helper suitable for him. Young people, it is not good for you to be alone. It's not good for you to sit in your room alone. It's not good for you to lock yourself in a garage alone. It is not good for you to be alone. It is good for you to get out there and stumble through life and try to build friendships and try to figure out, talk to people everywhere you go. Just push beyond that uncomfortableness. Just go for it. Send it. Who cares what people think? Don't worry about them. You just keep pushing forward. You do not want to get locked inside of the cage of yourself, to which you can't get out. Even in the Garden of Eden, where everything was perfect, no sin, no sadness or sadness. God saw everything he created and said it was good, but there was one thing he said was not good, and that was that man being alone. He's like, here's Adam. I put him in the garden. He's by himself. The closest thing he has to a human is these animals. This ape is trying to come talk to him. It's not working. So he says, it's not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him. I've been listening to that song a lot for some reason a lot. All by myself. Don't want to be all by myself. When I was young, I never needed anyone, right? He talks about as he grows older, he's like, I need someone. I need, I need people around me. It was easy when I was young just to get around and do whatever. It's not in my notes, it just came to me, alright? God says, I'm going to make a helper comparable, suitable for him, and he does so. He brings him Eve. But then God demands that they be fruitful and multiply, they build society. That is the way. To be alone in God's world is not God's way. It's not his design. It's very dangerous. There are not many things in life so beautiful as true friendship. And there are not many things more uncommon. C. Raymond Burren said, a friend is someone whom you dare to be yourself. Love that. You see, Jonathan and David, they could be themselves. They could let their hair down. Their hearts were knit together on that day, and they could be themselves around each other for the rest of time. Look at 1 Samuel chapter 20. I want you to see the conflict that drew them close from relationship. They had each other's backs, they protected each other. Conflict oftentimes seals the deal with friendship and relationship when they work through something together. It's them against the world trying to figure it out and they protect each other. 1 Samuel chapter 20. It says, then David fled from Naoth and Rama and came and said before Jonathan, What have I done? What is my iniquity? And what is my sin before your father that he's seeking my life? Remember, the city was singing David's song on the radio. Saul was King Saul was jealous. Saul slays thousand, but King David, or David, the coming king, sings ten thousands or slain ten thousands. Saul was not David's friend, he was that frenemy. You know what I mean? Those people who keep their friends close, but their enemies closer. The frenemy, they're nice to your face, but behind your back they try to cut you down. Stay clear of people like that. They're not genuine, they're just trying to get something from you. Verses 2 to 4, and Saul was trying to do this with David. He was trying to rope him in to try to get the inside scoop on what was going on, but Jonathan was his real friend, and he was trying to protect him. Verse 2 says, And he said to him, Far from it, you shall not die. Behold, my father does nothing, either great or small, without revealing it in my ear. So why should my father hide this thing from me? It is not so. David swore again, saying, Your father knows well that I have found favor in your sight, and he has said, Do not let Jonathan know this, lest he be grieved. But truly as Yahweh lives, and as your soul lives, there are hardly a step between me and death. And then Jonathan said to David, Whatever your soul says, I will do for you. So Jonathan is protecting David from his father. David's like, Your dad's gonna kill me. Jonathan's like, Don't worry. I will do whatever it takes to make sure that you are okay. He says, I will use my intel, the relationship with my father, to keep you safe. He doesn't say anything, he doesn't do anything without telling me first. And if I hear he's gonna try and kill you, I will let you know, all right? Verse 5 says, So David sent to Jonathan, Behold, tomorrow is the new moon, and I ought to sit down to eat with the king, but let me go that I might hide myself in the field until the third evening. If your father misses me at all, then say David earnestly asked to leave of me to run to Bethlehem, his city, because it is the yearly sacrifice there for the whole family. Verse 7, if he says it's good, your servant will have peace, but he's very angry, know that he has decided on evil. Verse 8, therefore, show loving kindness to your servant, for you have brought your servant into a covenant of Yahweh with you. But if there is iniquity in me, put me to death yourself, for why then should you bring me to your father? So David lowers himself, calling himself the servant of Jonathan, a mutual respect and love, and he says, Look, man, if I'm gonna mess this whole thing up for you, you can just kill me yourself. I'm okay with it. Just show loving kindness to your servant, let me know what's going on up front. Jonathan says, he rebukes him, he says, Far be it from you, for if I should indeed come to you, that evil has been decided by my father to come upon you, then would I not tell you about it? Then David said to Jonathan, Who will tell me if your father answers you harshly? And Jonathan said to David, devise a plan. Come, let us go out into the field. So both of them went out in the field, and Jonathan said to David, Yahweh, the God of Israel, be witness. When I have examined my father about this time tomorrow, the third day, behold, if there is good feeling toward David, shall I not then send it to you and reveal it in your ear? So they create a plan to make sure that David is safe and lives. Very specific plan and very specific instructions, as we will see. Verse 13, if it pleases my father to do you harm, may Yahweh do so to Jonathan and more so. If I do not reveal it in your ear and send you away, that you may go in peace, and may Yahweh be with you as he has been with my father. And if I am still alive, will you not show me the loving kindness of Yahweh that I may not die? You shall not cut off your loving kindness from my house forever, not even when Yahweh cuts off every one of the enemies of David from the face of the earth. So Jonathan cut a covenant with the house of David, saying, May Yahweh require it at the hands of David's enemies. And Jonathan made David swear again because of his love for him, because he loved him as his own soul. So they made this deep covenant. Jonathan knew that David was going to be king. And Jonathan is saying, Listen, when God makes you king, and basically any enemy who stands against David, their whole house is going to be cut off. Jonathan says, Please, I know even my house, the house of Saul, will be the enemy of David. And so please remember my family when you are king in the future. And David says, You got it. We have a covenant, we have a friendship. I will never forget you. Jump to verse 25. It says the king sat on his seat as usual, the seat by the wall. Then Jonathan rose up, and Abner sat down by the king's side, but David's place was missing. So David wasn't at dinner. Nevertheless, Saul didn't speak anything that day, for he said, It's an accident. He is not clean, surely he is not clean. Now it happened the next day, the second day of the new moon, that David's place was missing. So Saul said to Jonathan, his son, What has the son of Jesse not come to the meal either yesterday or today? Where's David? Why isn't he at supper? Jonathan then answered David. David earnestly asked to leave of me to go to Bethlehem, and he said, Please send me on my way, since our family has a sacrifice in the city, and my brother has commanded me to attend. So now, if I have found favor in your sight, please let me get away that I might see my brothers. For this reason he has not come to the king's table. Verse thirty. Saul doesn't believe it. Saul's anger burned against his son Jonathan, and he said to him, You son of a perverse, rebellious woman, do I not know that you are choosing the son of Jesse, David, to your own shame and to the shame of your mother's nakedness? For as long as the son of Jesse lives on this earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established. So now send and bring him to me, for he must surely die. So Saul says, Don't you realize so David doesn't show up for dinner for two days, and then Jonathan covers his back and basically tells the story that David had left off to go make sacrifice, and he says, I don't believe you, son. Why are you lying to me? Why are you protecting this kid who's going to take your throne? Wow, the dog knew. Don't you realize, Saul says, that as long as David is alive, Jonathan, my son, you will not be king. I have to kill him. Game of Thrones, I have to shut him down so that you can be king. But Jonathan answered his father, verse 32, and said to him, Why should he be put to death? What has he done? Then Saul hurled his spear at him to strike him down, so Jonathan knew that his father had decided to put David to death. He threw his spear at his own boy. Then Jonathan arose from the table in burning anger and did not eat food on the second day of the new moon, and he was grieved over David because his father had dishonored him. Now it happened in the morning that Jonathan went out into the field for the appointment with David. Remember, they had they had planned to meet out in the field together and talk. For he was grieved over his over David because his father had dishonored him. Now it happened in the morning that when Jonathan went out in the field for the appointment with David, and a very young man was with him, and he said of the young man, Run, find now the arrows which I am about to shoot. As the young man was running, he shot an arrow past him. And when the young man reached the place of the arrow which Jonathan had shot, Jonathan called after the lad and said, Is not the arrow beyond you? And Jonathan quickly called after the young man, Hurry, be quick, do not stay. And Jonathan's young man gathered up the arrows and came to his master. But the young man did not know anything. Only David and Jonathan knew about the matter. Then Jonathan gave his weapons to his young man and said to him, Go, bring them into the city. So Jonathan revealed to David, according to their secret plan, that Saul wanted to kill him by shooting arrows out into the field, and having his servant run out and gather the arrows. That's how David would know as he was hiding in the field that Saul was out to kill him. Verse 41 When the young man was gone, David rose from the south side, fell on his face to the ground, bowed three times, and they kissed each other, and they wept together, and David wept more. They were sad, friends. It was revealed that the king was going to kill David, and Jonathan was sad and trying to figure out how he knew he might die too in the process. Saul wanted to kill his own son, and he wanted to kill David as well. And they wept together. I've seen men cry. I know it's hard to believe, ladies, but I've seen many grown men weep. It doesn't happen often, but when it but it's in moments of despair, turmoil, sadness, war in life, men do cry. The ladies are like, I just cried yesterday at coffee with a friend, and it was awesome. Alright, ladies. Sorry, bad joke. Verse 42, and Jonathan said to David, Go in peace, and much as we have sworn together in the name of Yahweh, saying, Yahweh, be between you and me, and be between my seed and your seed forever. Then he rose and departed while Jonathan went to the city. So Jonathan put his life on the line to protect his friend David. Turn to 2 Samuel, uh 2 Samuel chapter 1, if you'd like to. I want to cap this story with the song that David sang at Saul and his friend Jonathan's funeral. Sadly, King Saul and his son died together in war. Father and son. And David sang at their funeral. And we have the song recorded of what he sang. It's 2 Samuel chapter 1, verse 23. It says, Saul and Jonathan, beloved and pleasant in their life. In their death they were not separated. They were swifter than eagles. They were mightier than lions. O daughters of Israel, weep over Saul. Wow. Who clothed you in luxurious scarlet? Who put ornaments of gold on your clothes? Look at how David's singing of King Saul. The one who wanted to kill him. Verse 25. How have the mighty fallen in the midst of battle? Jonathan is slain on your high priest. Verse 26. I am dispre depre distressed for you, my brother Jonathan. You have been very pleasant to me. Your love to me was more wonderful than the love of any woman. How have the mighty fallen, the weapons of war perished? Closer than a brother, closer than a friend. Jonathan was to David. Jonathan laid down his life to lift up David. What a beautiful picture of friendship, servanthood, laying down your lives for each other. There is no greater love than this. Then a man lays down his life for his friend. And that's exactly what Jonathan did for David. He lowered himself. And that's what friends do. There is no competition, only celebration. There is no jealousy or envy. There is no strife. Whatever I have, my house is your house, whatever I have is yours. We're the same. When you win, I win. That is true friendship. It's very difficult to get to that place. I have eight points for you today. They're quick, don't worry. The tacos are coming. I hope they help you. Point number one, find godly friends to do life with. Find godly friends to do life with people who love God. Jonathan and David both loved the Lord first. And that's what helped the foundation of their relationship. This caused a deep knitting of hearts together. They loved God. They saw God in each other. Isn't that beautiful? I see God in you. True sacrifice. And this is the most attractive characteristic in a person. It is the kind of person, a person with the fruit of the Spirit, who displays to you love, joy, the peace, the patience, the kindness, gentleness, self-control. Now it doesn't matter the status of that person, that person is unbelievably wealthy. And people love that kind of person. And that's the wild thing about this city, is that you can come in contact with people who have great status or great riches and all the rest, but just not nice. I kind of wish I could hang out with my poor friends, you know. They're so sweet, you know. There's this weird push and pull that we have in this city in order to keep our things going and keep the networks, all the relationships and all the things, but I guarantee that you have people in the back of your mind who have this. And when you're with them, they give you life. They display the tree of life, and you eat from their tree the good fruits. And you always say, Man, I wish I could hang out with that person more. Proverbs chapter 20, verse 6, many will say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is truly reliable? First stage of life, you are shaped by your family. Second stage of life, you are shaped by your friends. You become the people you hang around. If you show me your friends, I'll show you your future. They will influence you for the better or for the worst. Do they bring you up or do they bring you down? My pastor Greg Lori, loved this quote from him. He said, Some people bring joy wherever they go. Others bring joy whenever they go. Which one? Which one are you? Question mark. He says, Are you Bobby Buzzkill or Debbie Downer? Are you the one that lights up a room or do you turn off the lights? Are you always building up people or dragging them down? Isn't that good? It's helpful for sure. Fear that man. Fear that man who fears not God. He is your friend that pushes you closer to God. Not closer to religion. Forget that. I got no time for religion. I have no time for legalism anymore in my life. That person who pushes you closer to the true living God. God is love. God is light. God is joy, peace, and rest. He is righteousness and truth. Psalm chapter 1, O the joys of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, nor stand in the way of sinners, nor join in with the mockers, but they delight in the law of the Lord. They meditate on it day and night. They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit. This is the NLT. Bearing fruit in each season, their leaves never wither, and whatever they do, they prosper in. Happy is the man who doesn't let non-believers influence them. You influence non-believers instead. Do you have unbelieving friends? Absolutely. We get to shine. We get to love, we get to serve, we get to build up. But find a godly friend and be a godly friend for someone else. 1 Corinthians 15 33, do not be deceived. Bad company ruins good morals. You show me the five people you hang out with the most, and I can tell you your future. Single people, look for a godly guy or a godly girl when you're dating. If they aren't a godly person, don't waste your time. 2 Corinthians 6.14 says, Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? Is this person a wing to me, or are they a weight in the race of life with me? Do they lift me up or do they pull me down? 1 Thessalonians 5.11, therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. Verbal insults hurts. They linger longer than the encouraging ones do, huh? Encourage one another. Your words are powerful. I wish I could take back like 90% of what I've said in life. You know what I mean? It's just like you don't learn that. You don't learn that until you get older and older, and then you're like, God gave us two ears and one mouth for a good reason. Listen twice as much as you as we talk, right? Romans chapter 12, verse 10. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Here you go. This is one for the evangelical church. Outdo yourselves in honoring one another. Somebody tries to talk about you and you just turn it back double fold. Yeah, but no, but this guy is why he's the one. And they try to put him. No, no, no, but this guy, you gotta understand, you just keep lifting up everybody else around you. Lift them all up. Let me be down. Let lift them up. Brag on them. Gossip about all the great things they're doing. Outdo yourselves in honoring one another. You do that single thing here in Legacy. It changes the face of our church. This place immediately becomes the most attractive thing in the city because you walk into that world and you're gonna get built up. You're gonna get lifted up. True godly friends will always celebrate your wins. Did you know that? You want to know who your friends are? Try to do something great, and if you do it, you will see who celebrates you. Everyone else goes dead silent. That's weird. That was the thing I was trying so hard to do. Nobody. That's how you find out very quickly who your real friends are, the ones who celebrate you the most. Not with flattery. They really genuinely celebrate you and congratulate you. Number two, friends' hearts are knit together. They love their friends that they love themselves. You guys okay? Am I going too hard in the paint? You alright? I love you. I'm for you. They love their friends as they love themselves. Friends' hearts are actually knit together because they confess to each other. Our friends know our secrets, huh? We feel safe to share with them. We know they're not going to judge us. We'll just share everything. And they look at you to say, hopefully the truth. Try to help you, try to correct you a little bit, steer you in the right direction, but then they say at the end of the day, it doesn't change anything. Still love you just as you are. We share things with them, we don't share with others, and we know they will still love us no matter what. They will remain our friend no matter what we say. That is a real friend. Their hearts being knit together. You can't rip them apart. They love their neighbor as they love themselves. And it says that about Jonathan and David, that Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. You know, we got to take risks to love others the way that we love ourselves. You know that? But what if they won't reciprocate? That's the gamble. That's the way it works. We have somehow lost this understanding that you have to put yourself out there and you will risk a little bit of oversharing or a little bit of vulnerability, and you won't always get that back. But to the one who is your genuine friend, that's the joy of building friendships, like in your early 20s in your college years, because everybody's just sending it. You know, it's just like there's there's no filter, there's no reserve. You don't have, you don't understand the games of the world yet. But as you grow older, we get very careful. Nervous about a reputation and destroying what we have built, and we go safe. When we're young, we don't care, we're reckless, and that's where you actually build really deep friendships. Probably people you still know since you're 20s. That was a great friend, man. You can't make 20 year friends. Once you have them, you've got them. And it's very difficult to build on more. But I'm telling you, if you want to build into new friendship and relationship, you have to allow yourself to take risks and vulnerability. And loving someone the way that we love ourselves. Love your neighbor as yourself. The fastest way to real joy, J-O-Y, love this acronym, J-O-Y, is Jesus first, others than yourself. You'll find joy. Now you put you first, not good. I know our society tells you, you love you, man, you love you. The Bible assumes you already love you. You love you great. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. You already love yourself great. We take care of ourselves in all these ways. The command is to love the person as you love yourself. As you do that, you're being a good friend. Point number three, friends sacrifice for one another. In 1 Samuel 18:4, we read that Jonathan gave David his clothes, his military garb. He gave him everything. The significance of this gift was that Jonathan recognized that David would be the king of Israel one day. Rather than being envious or jealous, Jonathan just submitted to God's will and sacrifice in his own right to the throne. Isn't that wild to think about? Like you're literally the king's son and you're going to be the king one day. But God says, no, that guy over there is going to be the king. You think you had immediate jealousy and envy and strife and all would show up? Jonathan goes the opposite way. That's the beauty. That's real godliness here. Jonathan submitted to the will of God. And that's unbelievable to do is to lower yourself and to lift up someone else. Friends have no problem giving each other time, resources, and help to help the other accomplish the things they're trying to do. We'd lay down our lives for each other. We help each other. John 15, 13, greater love has no one than this, then someone lay down his life for his friends. You know, I think if God puts it on your heart to sacrifice for your friend in any way, just do it. Stop overthinking it, just do it. This is what we do. We're like, oh man, you know, I don't know, there's something you want to buy for your friend or whatever. You know, you're looking at it and then you start, you double think. Ah, maybe I shouldn't do it. I don't want to do it. No, I can't do it. They're going to think that about me. It's kind of weird because then they're, so can't just send it, send the text, make the phone call, write the email, send the gift, just do the thing. Stop overthinking it. What are they going to think about me? Maybe that you're a great person for doing it. Augustine, there's no better proof of friendship than to help our friends with their burdens. You will never regret going too far to help your friend in a situation if they have a difficult one upon them. You will always regret not showing up. You hear even the rich and famous in the city when they give their speeches and they do their things and all this stuff, they talk about these situations when they tried to push the whole world out, but others push their way in and said, No, I'm here. I'm gonna help you, I'm gonna build you up. Oh, I'm gonna, you lifted me up, I'm gonna lift you up. Point number four, true friendships attempt to resolve their conflicts. Romans chapter 12, verse 18, as much as it is possible, live at peace with all men. Sadly, sometimes people talk about a person instead of talking to the person, right? Sometimes envy can creep into a relationship, and it's when someone we know starts to gain a bit more than you, a bit more money, a bit more position, a bit more status, whatever it may be. And that's what is it, the you know, the tall tree always gets cut off, the tall populae always gets cut off. That's the opposite of friendship. Aristotle said envy grows naturally in a relationship between equals. Envy is a small town sin, it breeds in proximity. We have been given life in that abundantly. We live in abundance and not in scarcity. We don't think, like the world thinks, there isn't enough. And so I have to take from me and I've got to make sure that I'm good. We live in abundance. We have a king in heaven who is providing and take a father who takes care of everything, and we can live in abundance mindset. With everything here, what do you need? Just giving up, lifting up, building up, encouraging, sending up. We don't need to live in scarcity mindsets. That's a small town. You're in a big town. I'm not talking about LA. I'm talking about the kingdom of heaven. We live in a big town with a big God who can give away as much of that, as much as he wants, at any time he wants. Even godly people would disagree at times. Paul and Peter did, and they had to confront him. They talk to each other, and we have a contact, a conflict. You talk to the person, you don't talk about the person. You must go to that person and make sure it's true first. Most of the time it's not. People love to stress the truth and leave out details. Proverbs 18, 13 says spouting off before listening to a fact is both shameful and foolish. Only a fool answers a matter before he has heard it. Never draw a conclusion before you've actually listened to the details of what's actually gone on. This happens more than ever now. The miscommunication and the misunderstanding level is like at an all-time high because of social media. It just everybody's reading each other's texts, emails, and posts, and no one actually understands what's going on. All you have to do is text back and forth between your husband or wife. And if you guys are misunderstanding each other, just think about the distance of misunderstanding that's going on in the world around us. So if you write an angry email or an angry text, just sit on it for like a day or two. Don't send. And go back and read it, and you're like, maybe they weren't really meaning that. Maybe I was just fired up, you know, because I don't know, my team lost on the TV, you know. That person cut me off on the freeway, and I was like, oh wait, I'm not actually mad at that person that like that. Learn how to resolve conflict with your friends. Friends work through difficulty. They fight to resolve not to win, because even if you win an argument, you oftentimes can lose the person. What do you do you want to win the person or do you want to win the argument? I'm right. Okay. And you lose the relationship. And that person who always is right, always has to be right. It's sad when nobody wants to hang around him anymore. You don't want to be that person. Greg Laurie, my pastor, again, you ready? The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest. In marriage, your closest friendship, in your closest friendship, in your marriage, you can say things like, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. It was my fault. We have to learn the language of friendship. Those are powerful words. And when you say them and you get it out, powerful means something. So don't shy away from the things. It's okay. They're good things. Something inside of us wants to push away from that, but I'm telling you, when it happens, it's powerful. Point number five, friends are loyal. Through thick and thin, Jonathan was loyal towards David and defended him to his father. King Saul told his followers to kill David, and Jonathan rebuked his father and recalled David's faithfulness to him in killing Goliath. Jonathan defended David even though his dad was trying to kill him. He stood up to his dad. He's loyal. CC Colton said the firmest friendships have been formed in mutual adversity, as iron is most strongly united by the fiercest flame. The way iron is brought together and fused together, so friendships come together. Your friends will defend you when you're not around. Real friends are consistent. A friend is one who runs in when the world runs out. A friend loves at all times, a brother for a time of adversary. Proverbs 18, 24. A man of company of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 17, 17, a friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. A real friend will listen to you and not jump down our throats. You know what I mean? That's Job's bad friends, right? They started jumping down his throat. Got on his case, God had to show up and rebuke them all. James chapter 1, verse 19, friends are quick to listen and slow to speak, slow to anger. Friends weep with those who weep, we carry each other's burdens. Friends double our joy and defide our grief. Friends double our joy and divide our grief. Friend will rejoice with those who rejoice. Point number six, friends are free to be themselves around each other. Jonathan and David were also free to express their emotions with one another. You don't have to be anything but yourself for that person, and they love you just as you are. That is the greatest gift in the universe to a person. Right there. You don't have to be anything for them but yourself. And that's all that anyone wants, right? We all just want to be loved for exactly who we are. We don't want to have to try and be anything else. We want people to accept us and love us exactly as we are. That's what we love about God. We're so thankful. He sees us completely. And then he declares, I love you exactly as you are. I'm for you. You are my son or daughter, exactly as you are. Yes, I'm gonna make you better. Yes, I'm gonna grow you into godliness, but I love you right now, today, and forever. That's the beauty of family. That's the beauty of children. These little kids show up, man. You love them exactly. I don't know why I love you so much, but I love you just as you are. They haven't done anything for me. See Raymond Barrent said, A friend is someone whom you dare to be yourself. Quoted that earlier. Robert Waldo Emerson, a friend is a person who I may be sincere. Before him I may think out loud. Not good. You can just talk and ramble and they just get what you're saying. They don't come to conclusion that all of a sudden you're the darkest person on the planet because you're rambling. You're, you know. You need to let all the crazy out. You really do. You need these two friends in your life. They they could put you in the loony bin if they wanted to. Because you're free to talk with them. It's a gift, man. Ecclesiastes 4 9, two are better than one because they have good reward for their toil, for that if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls. He has not another to lift him up. A real friend warms you up by his presence, trusts you with his secrets, and remembers you in his prayers. Point number seven, friends tell each other the truth. We share burdens and joy with our friends. Jonathan and David were honest and they were open with each other. With our true friends, we can talk and call them and we can talk about everything. You can bounce things off them and they'll always tell you the truth. So helpful. Your good friends will tell you the truth. They're not being mean. They actually love you. They care about you. It's the people who will never tell you the truth. That's scary. Proverbs 27, 5 better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. Perfuse are the kisses of an enemy. Oscar Wilde said, A true friend stabs you in the front. Right? Come on over here. Let me tell you the truth. Alright, see you later, friend. Proverbs 27, 17, iron sharpens iron as one man sharpens another. Homework. Are you ready for some homework this week? Homework, yes. I want you to write down the 10 people you spend the most time with. From work to home to church, to the phone, on the phone, wherever it is, and see which relationships give you life and which relationships take from your life. Then write down those who you don't spend the most time with, but you miss or wish you spent more time with them because they bring you life. And then I would encourage you to spend more than 80 days with them over the next 40 years. Prioritize those things. Point number eight, and finally, Jesus is the perfect friend. Amen. John 15, 12, this is my command that I give to you, Jesus said, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love is no one than this, and someone laid down his life for his friend. You are my friends if you do what I command. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing, but I have called you friends. For all that I have heard from the Father, I have made known to you. A friend keeps a secret, and Jesus keeps all your secrets, doesn't he? And he will reveal his secrets to you. Psalm 25, 4, the secret of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he will make known his covenants. Thankful for all the brothers in my life. It's important to surround yourself with people who really know you, not just those who are impressed by your achievements or your status, but those who know the real you. People who will tell you the truth, speak into your life, pray for you, encourage you with sincere words, people you can laugh with in the moment, you know, the real people in your life. Katie and I, my wife, we're so thankful for the family and friends who love us for who we are, have loved us for so long, through so many things. One thing I've learned is you can't have true friendship without true, honest transparency. We love people we can be honest with, people we can trust, and it's hard to find. Thankful the Lord has brought good men and women into our lives around us over the years that can help us to let our hair down. Yes, even the little hair that I have. I like to let it down sometimes, all right? I like to imagine like I have hair sometimes, okay? And I want to let it down. So don't give me a hard time, but it's those who are just there all these years, you know, letting me call and vent, just ask a couple questions and then hang up. You know what I mean? It's those kind of people. Charles Edden Spurgeon, I'll say it again. Friendship is one of the sweetest joys of life. Many might have failed beneath the bitterness of their trial had they not found a friend. This is last week and uh the week before last. And a couple of the guys I'm really good friends with, guys I've known for a couple decades. And we brought all these other guys, there's all these, you know, they're people who own, you know, businesses or are successful in something or run something, you know, they have status or money or power or something, and they come on this trip. I was kind of wondering like what my purpose of being on this like retreat thing was, like exactly what. And I started to realize it at the end that there are there are these men who are coming out here to this place to come and have fun. What I noticed is that all of their lives, I think, are just so serious all the time. They don't have very many people cheering for them. The no joke, after they got out of the water, we're standing there on the shore, like cheering them, like shouting at the top of their lungs, pumping them up, cheering them on. They come on the shore and they walk up, they're in tears. These wealthy, successful, and it's like they don't have any friends cheering them on in life. Here we are, these strangers who are like genuinely just going for it with them and just cheering them on and just sending them to the moon, honoring them. Yeah, just cheering, and they they're losing their minds over it. It dawns on me again, like this life is a lot more simple than we think. The Garden of Eden is a lot more simple than we think. Love your God, love the people around you, and get on enjoying life with people. It's really simple. We've overcomplicated this thing. How many coins can I get in my account? How many people can I push down below me? How can I get more people to worship me, not God? We've flipped the whole thing in the wrong direction. I'm seeing it more and more. Yeah, if you've found a good friend, hold on to them. Maybe you already have them. Maybe you haven't talked to them in a while. Maybe you should go and talk to them. If you don't have those friendships, build them now. For this is the center of life. Everybody just wants to be cheered on. And that is what we want from heaven. For God to forgive us of all of our sin and cheer us on in life. Go get it, go enjoy, build the kingdom, love and serve people for my glory, introduce them to me, bring them to worship the God who made them, that they might find real peace, joy, and happiness. That's what this whole thing is about. Amen. Jesus is closer than a brother. And if you're looking for the perfect picture, look to him. He will show you what it means, and then get on doing that for other people and watch how that blesses you. You guys okay? All right. Let's all stand up, huh? I want to pray for us today. 1129, we made it. You're gonna be eating lunch at 11:30, alright. I would love more than anything, you know, than every single one of you, just to find one or two friends that you really love, that you really care for, that you're very thankful for, and just grab onto them and hold them. If God multiplies that to five great friends or ten great friends, wow, you're rich, you're the wealthiest person on the planet. For even the wealthiest people on the planet don't know who they can trust and who genuinely love them. They look at them and say, I don't know if you love me for me. I don't know if you really care about me. That's what people genuinely want. And I hope that it can happen here in the church, here in Legacy more than ever. It's not gonna be clean and perfect. People are messy. But that's the beauty of friendship. Get to love and serve each other, and forgive each other, and help each other and build each other up, run together. And that's what I'm hoping happens for us. Amen. I want to pray for you that first maybe God would repair the relationship you have with Him. You got to repair that relationship, that friendship first. That would empower you to repair the relationships with the friendships around you and bring many more into close relationship and friendship with you and with your God. Let's pray, let's turn to the Lord now. Father, we we open our hearts, we open our lives, we lift our hands to you and surrender, God. We just say, help us. Look at these humans, God, look at us running around hating and hurting each other, burning each other down, trying to kill each other. Lord, what's wrong with us? Sin is wrong with us. Separated us from you, separates us from one another. Father, forgive us of our sins. Forgive us of all the things we've done wrong against you. Forgive us of all the wrong we've done against the people around us. We need your forgiveness. We believe, Jesus, that you took care of it all on the cross and your death, burial, and resurrection. Thank you for taking our punishment. Thank you for taking our sins. Forgive us now. Please, God, forgive these asking for forgiveness in this place. Please, God, be gracious to them. Restore the relationship that's been broken between you and them. The bridge would be built back, the relationship would be open. Father, son, father, daughter, be healed and made right. And now, God, would you start to heal the friendships and the relationships around us, the people we've wronged, Lord, forgive us. Would you give us insight in how to repair? Would you give us insight and how to make things right? Would you help us to bring those we know our true friends into closer relationship? We find deep rest and deep peace in the relationships that we have. Lord, we ask for your help. We can't do it without you. Thank you for this church. Thank you for this Sunday. Thank you for this opportunity to turn our lives over to you, turn our lives towards you. And we pray that we would grow like beautiful vines and flowers of this city, friendship into this community like never before. Use us for your glory. We give you our lives. We do it in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen.